Stop Dating Your Fears


It’s a date that takes you out to dinner, forgets their wallet and coincidentally, your phone number for a second date.

I was at a wedding yesterday doing photography .

Some context: I haven’t done a wedding shoot for a few months and felt rusty. I spent the day before and the day of, in a sort of nervous stupor trying to find comfort by being prepared. Something I reminded myself of: preparation is only a small piece of the equation.

Laying things out on your bed a few hours before to make sure you have everything won’t help you if you haven’t brought along the most important piece: the knowledge that you are going to knock this one out of the park.

Weddings are a rush, because everything happens at lightning speed and if you miss a moment, you usually can’t recapture it. You are shit outta luck and there were shots I was taking that were perfect and then there were some that were not-so-perfect as well. What better place to learn about how to overcome fear than a place where half a second of panic can sabotage a shot that will make the difference between a referral or not? I can guarantee you that the shots we got yesterday far outweigh the bad ones taken in moments of my nervousness.

Sometimes you have to remember that if you had the kajones to dream about helping the world in this way, that you actually are capable of doing it.

Living the life you really want and manifesting the things that make you want to dance through a field in the rain are not the result of everyone encouraging you and telling you that you’ll be alright. They are the direct result of YOU.

Was I scared out of my mind yesterday? Sure but you know what? If I didn’t have the nerves which stopped me from eating anything for 7 hours, it would mean that I wasn’t doing something I love.

If I’m scared shitless, it’s because I’m doing something.

Let me re-iterate that for you.

If you’re in the grips of fear, it’s because you’re doing something that is hugely important to what your life is going to look like in the next 5 years and chances are it’s going to have a really good impact.

It’s just that simple.

Do you think that all of those big players in the fields you want to go into never felt fear?

Think again.

Bruce Springsteen, seasoned vet at performing, not like a boss, he IS ‘The Boss’. And yet, he described the moments before he goes on stage as the beginning stages of a panic attack but he always brings himself back from it. What he knows and has trained himself to do is overcome it and even enjoy the thrill of that rush. Moreover, if he did listen to those fears and allowed them to become panic attacks, we would never know what it’s like to sing along with a room full of people and feel that juicy oneness which comes from everyone knowing the words, having felt them at some point in their lives.

One hell of a gift, right there, and I’ll bet yours is just as spectacular.

When have you metaphorically jumped out of a plane with nothing but a parachute and a pair of clean underwear? What were the conditions? How were you feeling inside?

Probably not ‘safe’, otherwise you’d be on the ground wishing everyone jumping, all the best.

At some point, the pain of your playing small must be greater than the fear of creating a meaningful life.

Chances are, everything you do on a weekly basis contains at least one thing that scared you senseless to start doing but with a little time and the realization that, suck it up buttercup, you MUST do it, you broke through to the other side.

Or you were born with a set of brass balls or ovaries, in which case, I commend your genetic make-up and wonder- why the eff are you reading this blog? Away brass-ovaries! Use those superpowers for good and show the rest of the world that it can be done! Be an example I can use in the weeks to come.

Nonetheless, when it comes to your success, there’s a thought I would like to put ‘out there’ that might shock you:

no one has the time to deal with your fears if you’re not going to.

Fact. Everyone’s busy trying to overcome their fears, that if you expect anyone to encourage you out of it, it probably won’t be enough. It will be like trying to satiate a warrior’s hunger with a banana.

Say it to yourself over and over again:

I am the only requirement. 

Everything else, you’ll learn as you go.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from following my dreams and choosing love over fear, it’s that no one ‘s going to prepare you or help you enough to make ‘the dream’ happen for you.

That comes from training ‘outside the ring’ and has everything to do with you.

Ah, responsibility. Thou art a cruel bastard at times.

You can have all the skills in the world, but if you haven’t yet figured out how to tune out your inner critic and shut the valve off on some free flowing fear, you’ll have a whole lot of nothing. You deprive yourself of the experiences you want and you won’t have the chance to grace us with the beauty of your gifts.

There, I said it.

You grace the world with your gifts. 

We’re waiting and despite what your fears tell you, there is always room for more.

Another picture, song, painting, poem, piece of beautiful clothing, website, business idea, marketing genius, dance superstar, engaging comedian, fantastical speaker, righteous author.

All of the above. And then some. 

After the wedding I wrote an open letter to my fear and being that Monday is for daring, I invite you to do the same.

It doesn’t have to be spectacular or spiritual sounding. Sometimes, something as simple as: ‘thank you, but screw you’ works perfectly.

Though mine contained: “You are an STD in my soul and I’m done with the itching; I hereby resolve to sleep with better ideas about myself.” 

It’s entirely up to you.

Get yourself started.

Dear Fear….

See where it takes you. Make sure that’s your starting point for choosing love over fear.

Because you’re worth it.

On The Wings of Miracles,



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