Sometimes it’s the stupidest things that trigger us.
It can be something as simple as a scent, a song or a poem that takes us back to a place within that still has some things to teach us.
They cause an ache inside that’s sweet but brings with it, the after taste of longing, like we still have things to know about someone or something that we left behind. The wonderful zefrank describes it as ‘The Sweetness‘.
Yesterday I found myself wandering into a store whose every aisle hit me like a ton of bricks in the places in my heart that I tried to fill with concrete so that I would not feel the gaping emptiness there.
Yes, even though I teach a great deal, there are times where I too need the things I offer others.
That’s authenticity for you.
While the setting of a store seemed simple enough, there are so many things that accompanied it. Often, the idleness of the days spent in my previous relationship, the slowing down, the being present, the experience of saying, “Let’s go for a drive somewhere even though we don’t know where,” where I didn’t feel that I had to hold the world up (really just a projection of my needs onto that relationship).
It was about remembering the good parts of that person, too.
The positive things we remember, become offerings we lay down at the altars of our hearts, for the love that’s yet to grace our lives with its beauty and wonder.
I took a step back and thought to myself afterwards: it’s just a store. It’s not real. The memories aren’t even real and aren’t even the whole story: Why am I doing this? What does this have to teach me?
It took me a while to understand why we do this, but I realized that if we were to remember only the awful parts, we would never know our capacity to share love again. Remembering those good moments and the happier times of something that’s passed, help us to see that we can still feel those things, regardless of how much happened to us between the end and our present.
It’s our perception that hurts us.
The perception of how it could have been or should have been.
A perception focused entirely on there and then rather than here and now.
We believe more in the ‘shoulds’ than the grace of the moment and the power of where we stand.
It’s funny how often we remember bits and pieces of situations that never capture the entire story or our entire experience of a thing. Only enough to let the light back in, but we close the door and cover those cracks because the slivers of light do little other than remind us that there’s a darkness we can heal.
And that scares us.
There’s something to treasure though, about taking a step back and being okay with staying put with those feelings.
We’re so eager to run from them.
What would happen if you stopped for a second.
And took 10 deep breaths while being okay with all the mess of feelings running through us right then and there?
Later that day, I called my Soul Brother for some perspective, knowing that it would stretch me.
I wrote this whole post, feeling inspired by what he said, hoping that you might find love here, too.
It’s a beautiful reminder.
“I’m going to say this as gently as possible. You’re getting used to being on your own and that’s okay, but that relationship wasn’t love you deserve. You’re only remembering a little part of the bigger picture.
It’s not saying anything against that person because they are still good, it’s just their patterns that hurt.
We’re all fundamentally good people but we really don’t have any idea how to show others that goodness unless we take the time. You have. She didn’t. That’s the only truth.
I don’t know if you’ve noticed but people are pretty messed up- all we can do is give them love anyway. Last time I checked, neither of us was perfect and why should someone else be something you’re not? There’s so much hurt out there- why do you want to add to it by believing in the hurt more than the good?
You were remembering something good and that’s what gentle souls do. They remember the best of people. There’s nothing wrong with that and there’s nothing wrong with remembering their good and being okay with walking away. You don’t have to stay mad once you leave.”
I fought tooth and nail for the upset I felt: how can people who hurt us that much be good?! Why do I have to give them anything?
I lay down every justification like it was a game of poker I was desperate not to lose.
That I was never great at poker makes this a great metaphor.
When faced with a perspective like that (true love), there is nothing to justify. Fact is, even when we have a spiritual practice that sees us through and even when we walk all our talk, there are still times where we’re actively reminded that love doesn’t stop because we’re getting better.
What do we really gain by defending ourselves?
Love keeps going so that we can know better.
It gently pokes and prods.
Love sees people as they are, not for their actions or behaviors. It doesn’t mean we need to welcome them in again like we did before, but it does remind us that the temple of our hearts need not be filled with pictures of how they’ve done wrong.
The blessing is tucked away in the realization that there’s nothing to forgive other than ourselves for believing that we had to defend ourselves against something and use huge amounts of energy in that process.
Allow me to explain briefly: if we’re defending something –anything– we’re saying that we must attack outward because someone else has become bigger than the Universe and our place in it. We turned someone into something they’re not and believe that they have some great power but little do we realize that we first had to give it to them. We did that and only we can reverse it by applying a little love.
What are you defending or justifying?
What has being stuck in a defensive place cost you and your life?
What could your life look like if you stopped trying to protect/defend/oppose/fight/resist/shield?
How good could it be?
What would it take to ‘love them anyway’?
What do you need to know in order to do that?
Who can you ask for help?
How can you start today?
What are you waiting for?
There are no ideal conditions, so go, do it for yourself.
On The Wings of Miracles,