Dear Inner Mean Girl,
I’m thinking that it’s time to break up.
Don’t get me wrong, we had some good times.
Like that time you told me I’d totally suck at blogging. Or that moment where you said I would scare off potential partners because I haven’t done my eyebrows in two weeks. I also remember that moment where you said that I’d never be good enough to photograph weddings.
Turns out, you were misinformed because I’m pretty good at it, no one cares about my eyebrows and I am a wedding photographer.
You are pretty witty, but the cost of you sticking around is more than I’m willing to pay. Moreover, I’m done relying on something other than the Love the universe gives me to bring me joy.
You knew exactly how to hurt me.
I sometimes wondered if someone dulled your shine over time and realized that I could understand.
Because we are one in the same.
I’m the person who sees the good, but also the person who judges others. It wasn’t until I saw that I wasn’t the victim of the mean girl, I had part of that, part of you in me, that I was ready to let you go.
I’m here to let you know that there’s nothing to be afraid of anymore.
I’m enough and you were just trying to protect me from the possibility of not being enough. How sweet is that, really?
Your work here, lovely, is done because the dreams I have, come with a different currency that’s based on compassion and joy. Quite different from the fearful, worried dollars you’re used to.
Thanks for helping me become my best friend.
I felt inspired to write another letter over the weekend. The weather was gorgeous and Spring was whispering of warmth, sunshine and the beach beckoned me near, so that the waves could wash their healing sounds throughout my heart.
The sunshine that poked through the clouds, warming up my face and the beach I was on, called out the conversation with that Inner Mean Girl, an idea I got from the combined work of Amy Ahlers and Christine Arylo with their Inner Mean Girl Reform School, having read both teacher’s books some time ago.
We’ve all got those inner judges, too, don’t we?
There is so much freedom in remembering that the meaner she is, the more we need to show love to ourselves, for doing and being the same things for which we’re judging others.
“I’m never upset for the reason I think.” (A Course in Miracles)
If I’m judging others, it means that I’m mad at myself.
Mad at myself for being the things I never wanted to be.
Mad because I didn’t meet the standards I set for myself.
Mad because I felt that meeting those standards meant that I was somehow enough.
Mad because I’m disconnected from Love.
I hope that everyone gets the chance to know that they are enough and that they don’t have to judge anymore and that there’s value in giving up that entire fight. It’s not a matter of some people being worth it or not, though we sometimes say in dark moments, “They’re not worth the tears.” The fact is, their worth has nothing to do with your tears or your upset. It has to do with you and whether or not you think you’re worth a better life.
A life that’s filled with joy and upon seeing something you don’t like, you treat it as you would an item on a giant buffet table. No judgement. Just a simple realization that it’s not for you before moving forward. How blissful could life be if we lived like that every day?
That is the prayer I hold in my heart for you.
That you may be at peace, at home and free.
On The Wings of Miracles,