It’s one of the hardest things we’ll have to face in our lifetimes, aside from how we feel about ourselves.
There’s something important to remember about those goodbyes, too, and that is that each one of them matters.
The big ones hurt more, but the small ones are no less important.
Goodbyes teach us a great deal about ourselves and the things we carry in our hearts.
They teach us about the things we’ve refused to carry there, too.
Saying hello feels so much easier because only the unknowns lay before us and we have yet to find ourselves ensnared in the beautiful clutter that accompanies all human relationships.
With hello, we haven’t found those things we’ll miss forever. We haven’t realized the things we won’t miss at all. We have only touched the surface of the things we’ll still tell others about for years, as though the qualities in the other person we’re talking about only just revealed themselves to us.
Letting go is hard.
And that’s perfectly okay.
It’s important to remember that if you’re struggling to say your goodbye, it means that you opened your heart wide enough to let someone in whole, which is something to celebrate. How many people can say they did that?
The more important thing to do is thank them for being there because if it stings to see them go, it means that they gave you something timeless and wonderful: a connection to joy.
It’s worth celebrating that a person could be so connected to their Source, that they could bless your life with that sweet energy of happiness. It doesn’t matter who you’re letting go of or why. They had a light in them and it’s worth remembering how it shone, because in the end, the light will be more important than the fact that you had to let go at all.
That’s no small thing, either- how interconnected we all are. We are masterful, however, at convincing ourselves that we are an island.
Perhaps that’s what makes goodbyes so hard.
When we’ve spent a good deal of time trying to guard ourselves against pain and against disappointment, we’re reminded in one fell swoop that we need those people we try to push away. It’s a harsh one that hurts because we think of how many times we could have reached out but didn’t, for whatever reason.
It’s worth making something out of each goodbye so that we can have the closure we may have never gotten.
Jennifer Pastiloff, an amazing spiritual teacher who actually does say things more profound than silence, recently posted about saying goodbye through writing letters and having done something similar several weeks before, I see the incredible power in creating some meaningful way to let things and people go from your life. Maybe it will be of help to you?
Turn it into something bigger for yourself so that you have the time to reflect on what that moment teaches you. Make it into a ceremony. Write that letter, from Jennifer’s teaching. Take a walk you dedicate to that particular person or situation you’re letting go of. Stop time in your own way so that for a moment, you’re reminded of how connected we all are and that yes,
you need others as much as they need you.
And there are people who need you. It’s okay to remember that too.
When people say, “You matter; you’re important,” it’s not just because they’re trying to build you up. The world you live in is an interconnected one that functions because of your participation. It’s made better by your presence there and though you may not realize it, your very existence could be the thick cord which brings a whole community together.
Something else to keep in mind…
You’re as important to others, as that person you’re saying goodbye to was to you.
Allow your pain to be messy because goodbyes are seldom orderly.
They’re not supposed to be, either.
It’s only in the mess that you become someone more than you are today.
It’s a weird logic, but it’s a good one.
On The Wings of Miracles,
This post is dedicated to the memory of Viraj Gautam who the world said goodbye to, far too soon.
Rest in Paradise, friend, and may your Soul be at peace.