There are some hurts you remember forever.
The toughest lesson for me was to surrender my heartbreak.
Not let go of it, but to move towards it.
When we think we’re close enough already because the situation feels unbearable, we’re often not as close as we think.
Only in the space between the last tear falling and the first tear drying, are we there.
It’s the smoke clearing.
The dust rising.
It’s the question, ‘What now?”
I learned some time ago, the pain of romantic betrayal.
It took a month for me to stop crying myself to sleep and waking up in the morning to find I was crying in my sleep.
I knew it wasn’t to do with that relationship.
It went too deep for that.
The initial pain became an easy way to get revenge.
That may make some uncomfortable to read: my heartbreak was my revenge.
I’m not afraid to own this, however.
The truth is only scary when ignored.
As long as I stayed broken on the inside, I didn’t have to face my truth. I didn’t have to move forward. I didn’t have to risk the chance that I may have contributed to my own pain. That the hurt I felt, however justified, was something I could respond to with love and that the life I wanted would have nothing to do with blame.
It was too much.
And so I ran by way of my tears.
Surrendering to the moment where you let the tears fall and allow yourself the moment to break down has nothing to do with waving a white flag but with opening the door within.
How can I use this for love?
Once the question is introduced, there is literally no going back. The things you once felt are no longer recognizable.
Not because you don’t remember them, but because in the two seconds spent asking that question, everything about the eyes through which you see the pain changes.
It means you’re open.
And open wide.
The pain stops being something that happened to you.
It becomes something that happened for you.
And whether or not you’re right in regards to that situation is irrelevant because for the first time in a while you realize that you’re happy.
Whether or not there is someone at fault, is irrelevant because you no longer need justice.
The moment you open yourself up and surrender, justice is done.
You’re willing to give the benefit of the doubt, compassion, true forgiveness, understanding and fewer things about that situation bother you because love matters more.
That is how you use it for love.
That is love.
That is surrender.
On The Wings of Miracles,