Day 8: Appearance

There’s a certain freedom in not caring about what others might think.

I’m still learning a fair bit in this regard, but one thing I can say is that I’ve had to get over it.

I was having a conversation with a brilliant human being who told me recently that as we age, we wear different hats and outfits.

In our 20’s we wear t-shirts and cover ourselves up.

In our 30’s we wear bikini’s.

In our 40’s and up, we wear a purple hat and a birthday suit because we just don’t care.

I had to laugh because it summarizes what I’ve been told about how little we care about the way others feel about us as we get older. It also shone a spotlight on how far I’ve come and how far I’ve yet to go.

I’ve had to implement a great deal of letting go when it comes to the way others think and feel about me.

There are things about all of us that are too obvious to hide, and that make us often stand out like sore thumbs when we would much rather hide.

For me, that was hyperhydrosis.

Some people may think it gross to talk about and to be honest, that only makes the rebel in me want to talk about it more.

It’s basically that select sweat glands freak out from time to time and make me look like I ran a marathon. No smell, either, just painfully obvious marathon calibre. Only I was sitting there reading. And only on my right side.

Try hiding that when you’re in an interview.

Or on a date.

Or when you’re on a crowded bus.

Or when it’s summer and you’re trying everything you can to pick a cute outfit that your body won’t decimate at random

Why am I talking about this?

It taught me so much about physical appearance and surrender, to take a step back and stop caring that people have looked and made comments.

That people’s eyes look right to that spot regardless of how well I’ve tried to hide it so much that you want to say, “It’s okay to look and think those thoughts to yourself and I’m just going to give you a moment to do that to get the awkwardness out of the way where you try to pretend your gaze didn’t linger. I’m not weirded out by it, but if you need to be, go ahead and take that time.”

I used to be mortified because I had this thing about me that was so out of my control and made me appear less-than-socially-acceptable. 

Heaven forbid, I’m imperfect.

Now, I dress as I feel comfortable and granted, the condition has gotten better with time, but it still took a lot of strength to give up the need to control my appearance and surrender those thoughts I had about myself, in addition to the feelings I harbored towards others who visibly judged me.

When you can’t control it and yet you know people are looking, you’re uncomfortable because you know your body is freaking out and your stress just went from a 3 to a 10 because you just want to hide and you know you can’t. It doesn’t just apply to this situation for me, but to a whole array of situations emotionally speaking as well.

It’s that universal feeling of possibly being “found out”.

We spend so much time hating on these temples of ours and we forget that what words we use to describe ourselves are the water that helps the seeds of everything else grow. It’s easy to say that it’s other people, but at the end of the day when we’re brushing our teeth and closing out the day, it’s only us looking back in the mirror.

Surrender here isn’t about letting go of the way other people might think or feel about you.

It’s about giving up the way you think they should.

Because that’s taking away their freedom and it also robs you of yours.

If you think they should accept you and treat you one way, it robs you of the freedom to choose to be unaffected by their opinion. That you’ve started with a ‘should’, obligates you to a negative reaction because you’re hooked on how they end up perceiving you.

If you give others that freedom to feel however they’re going to feel, the freedom you experience is liberating. It also takes care of the judgements they might hold about you as well. All in one fell swoop.

I could sit around and surrender how other people feel about me but it does nothing to truly liberate me and set me free. It dances around the situation rather than facing it head on with a question of, “What thoughts can I choose thoughts that support my desire to feel good?”

At that moment in time, it becomes far less about what they’re doing or saying and entirely about what you’re choosing. Notice how a “they” and “others” don’t even factor in to that question.

It’s just you.

How you feel.

What you’re doing in relationship to something else.

Your body is a vessel that allows you to bring light and love to wherever you are. Decorate it as you wish because there are some incredible ways to do so, but remember that the things you choose to adorn your temple with are things you cannot take with you. You are who you are with them and without them.

There are some who will try to convince you otherwise, that you can’t have a little extra weight, clothes that are a season old, accessories that look too edgy or clothes that show off too much skin.

When you come face to face with those judgements, surrender in the form of seeing that those are the things they say to themselves and those are the limitations they place on their life, whether or not they’re exactly the same. See them for the unlimited light that they are.

Breathe in that essence of them and thank them for showing you that you have a choice every day to see yourself through the eyes of your own love or through the eyes of someone else.

And hold tightly to the thought that they just became a vessel for love to you.

With no thoughts about their appearance whatsoever.

That’s how love rolls.

Whether you pay attention or not.

So keep listening because the show is incredible.

whatwasthelastthingyousaid

On The Wings of Miracles,

~Cheryl~

 

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