Day 9: It’s All An Inside Job

There are only inside jobs.

I had heard before that happiness was the inside job, but the Universe, with her brilliant sense of humor, showed me differently.

It’s all an inside job.

I found it so easy to look to circumstances to give me some intangible thing or experience, as though there was some force outside of me that was a gatekeeper to my ideal life. I was always waiting on someone or something to give me the green light to really live.

We’ve been taught to ask for a great deal of permission.

To stay quiet unless we’re told to speak and to stay within the lines.

The lines could be anything from the simple pages of a coloring book or as complex as the confines of what society thinks is reasonable for someone of your economic background, social status, age or race.

The trick here is that just because they act like the gatekeeper to your experience, doesn’t mean you aren’t in possession of the key.

When I was 16 I wanted to start up a foundation to help increase the self-esteem/self-perception of women and knew even then, regardless of what was happening around me with such clarity, that I was going to be a motivational speaker. People laughed it off because afterall, what would a 16 year old have to say about life, right?

Then when I was at university studying Sociology in my 1st year, I wanted to create my own course and had a chat with one of the professors about the odds of creating a course where I would be able to build that foundation for self esteem, though it morphed slightly and now included the LGBT community, to study in my 2nd year as a Sociology major. The end goal and completion of the course would be the successful startup of that foundation, with different levels of application of relevant social theories and social research therein, being the benchmarks which would have normally been essays and tests in classrooms. I was told by a TA and another prof I asked, that I was too immature in my studies and that I wouldn’t be able to do it.

The common denominator? I waited for someone else to give me permission to do what I knew was my passion.

And used them as an excuse to hide behind my fears so that I wouldn’t have to face the things that terrified me.

Did I need anyone’s permission to become a motivational/inspirational speaker at 16? No. But I asked anyway and thought their rejection of me was indicative of the fact that there was something lacking in me.

Was I really unqualified to start up a foundation like that? Nope. I had it all in me, even then, and if I reached out when I didn’t have all the answers, it could have gone from distant dream to imminent reality. But once again, I relied on someone else to tell me what fell into the realm of possibility.

The same applies to relationships, jobs, friendships and just about everything else you can think of.

I’ve watched people allow their happiness to hinge entirely on whether or not the person they’re dating appreciates and adores them as much (if not more), than they do. The discord it creates is a wide chasm that they’re left standing before, saying, “Look what they did! They stole my happiness…that was such a horrible experience.”

When I sat back and started thinking about it more, it was shocking how many times I handed out “inside job” applications to candidates qualified only for “outside jobs”.

Inside jobs, like happiness.

Contentment.

Sexiness.

Love.

Passion.

Achieving my dreams.

Freedom.

Why are we so scared to own our greatness?

To walk among the rays of light that call upon the brilliant sun within us.

Rather than know that we can create our own light, we go from person to person and from one situation to the next, hoping that someone is able to lend us some light. And yet we have a veritable power plant within us.

It’s safe to imagine what your life might look like if you were the sun you kept looking for.

It’s reasonable to envision your life as though you had the power within you, even if you think you don’t.

Let your mind wander.

Surrender the idea that you have to be anything other than brilliant. 

Release the need to believe that someone else is the key to your happiness.

Who decided that you had to be the one to sit on the sidelines and wait this one out?

Hint: it couldn’t have been anyone else.

If you’re afraid of being part of the parade, or leading it, don’t let that be the thing you wished you’d always done. It’s true that you can start at any time.

Any time.

Any place.

Take a friend with you while you test out those new shoes to dance in, down the parade route. You don’t have to do it perfectly the first time but for the sake of everything sacred,

do it.

Your life depends on it.

It’s a scary thing, filling the positions of those inside jobs on your own.

We confuse the term, “It takes a village,” with the idea that we need that village’s approval to start first.

That’s the key, however.

That the inside jobs we think are being fulfilled, feel good initially because we’re getting something from others, that we’re holding back from ourselves: permission and the recognition that there is something beautiful about us which allows us to radiate like nothing the world has ever seen.

Give yourself permission.

Take a deep breath.

And repeat after me, while looking at yourself in the mirror,

I am one hell of a capable human being. I love myself and I can do this. 

We’ve got this, beautiful/handsome.

wellbeing

On The Wings of Miracles,

~Cheryl~

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