Why I Stopped Asking Everyone For Advice

Knowing me, means that you know I’m a pretty social creature.

I love the buzz of people surrounding me and creating alongside me.

I do love my quiet time but too much of it, without the richness of others and I get a little restless on the inside.

The unique insights and opinions everyone brings to the table leave me in awe sometimes, struck without words to express all the ‘whoosh’ that I feel, thinking yes, this is actually my life and these are indeed people whom I call friends.

I may not see them all regularly, but there’s a deep respect for each person’s journey.

There was a point in my life where I used to believe that I had to pay rapt attention to everything that everyone around me said. Sometimes, I still find myself in that hamster wheel of unending running towards an endgame that doesn’t exist.

Many of those friendships were bound by an unspoken contract that I had to treat their feelings of what I was to do in my life as Divine ordinance of sacred origin.

The degree that I took their opinions seriously was a demonstration of how important they were to me.

It’s a nice way to show your friends they mean something to you, but what about your opinion of you?

I know some people who refuse to make decisions without consulting their friends first, because they’re immobilized without the opinions of others.

There’s nothing wrong with living that way either, I’m simply talking about things that didn’t quite work for me.

Because there came a time where no one’s opinion worked. All the voices that once gave me a sense of myself fell silent.

And I had to rely only on how I felt.

Which felt like a revolution because what I didn’t realize, was that I replaced how I felt with the approval I received from taking everyone’s opinion and doing something with it. I had no idea what to feel because I numbed it all out so that I fit into the container of whatever others wanted for me.

I was running from myself and the real beliefs I held about the woman I am and my worth:

I’m not enough. I’m not strong. I don’t know enough. I can’t handle it. 

I would ask everyone under the sun for their opinion out of a place of borderline terror and fear. I was stuck; Immobilized by my inability to decide which way to go, because I never took the time to check in with the one whose opinion mattered most:

Mine.

If I accepted the opinions of others as truth, I also didn’t have to take responsibility for how things turned out because I could blame “bad advice” rather than facing the fact that I learned some big, and at times embarrassing lessons.

I realized that my knowledge of what to do next is completely independent of my ability to handle whatever “next” might be, because the day is an evolving thing. Thankfully it doesn’t happen all at once, which means that I don’t have to know it all at once either.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not preaching to give up advice and opinions altogether, just to make sure that you know how you feel about something, before you ask anyone. The way it works for me now is, if I don’t know how I feel about it, I’m not talking about it with others because I want to make sure that the outcome is my own, not someone else’s. 

I’m not going to ask a bus mechanic to tell me about financial planning, because that’s not what they specialize in.

The point: you are the only one who specializes in you.

Trust that more often.

Trust yourself.

You’re smarter than you know.

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On The Wings of Miracles,

~Cheryl~

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