I was so afraid of missing out that I jumped on every single opportunity that I could.
My mantra was to say yes to everything.
It works to bring you new experiences, but it took some time to learn that there’s wisdom in taking time to check in with how it makes you feel before leaping.
By saying yes to everything I ended up making decisions and working with people who were the very blatant manifestations of the fears driving those decisions.
It was a great way to get experience and a feel for the things I really wanted to do, but it’s important to ask, when it comes to the big stuff, whether or not it feels genuinely okay for you.
Most of the time I could feel a nagging back-of-the-mind thought that I dismissed because the outcome was uncertain.
I had to be in control of something, because the thought of not knowing whether or not I was secretly passing up one of the chances that would define and shape my life in the direction that I yearned for.
A Course in Miracles states, “Those who are certain of the outcome, can afford to wait without anxiety.” And much of the time, I was waiting anxiously. You wouldn’t know that it was for the good outcome though, because my actions seemed more like that of a citizen preparing for a natural disaster: hoarding resources, building up walls made of sandbags and gathering my possessions as though the next wave of phenomena might take them all from me in one fell swoop.
It made me crazy. And I was alive yes, but suffocating from the inside out.
We detach ourselves from what we long for and think of it as separate from us, so our lives are defined by the chances we do or do not take, rather than who we become through it all.
I had to remember that generally speaking, things would turn out just fine. They always were but when sitting in doubt, there are precious few things aside from lack.
If all you’re paying attention to is the fear within, what are you going to be most aware of? Any solution, even if it’s not the highest choice you could be making for your life. We wouldn’t go swimming and look for a leak where there isn’t one, but that’s the way so many people live. It’s the way I did. Constantly looking, usually fearful and never able to let the walls down enough to remember what sweetness is like.
I’ve stuck out relationships that no longer served me, stayed in toxic workplaces and poisonous friendships.
All because I was worried that they were the opportunity.
Because I wasn’t certain that the good outcome I envisioned would ever come to fruition.
I would say that I was just making the most of the things given to me, when I was really sending the message that I didn’t think I was worth the people, things and experiences I really wanted, but instead of feel immobilized by the fear that I won’t find them, I’ll settle because it’s easier.
It took me a while to see that there are no big things, really. Just little things that, when woven together, give us a big picture that looks like a big thing.
It’s really the sum of the ways we believe that there is no shortage and that opportunities are gifts we can use or pass on to someone else; and we can believe that our choice to pick up or put down those things has nothing to do with our worth or our success.
So what could you do with opportunity?
Say yes everyday, to the things that make you light up the most, even if they don’t make sense.
Because when you’re certain of the outcome, every experience is there for you to enjoy, rather than one where you’re constantly in the process of trying to figure it out.
It’s how the Universe answers, replies and whispers.
Because it’s most definitely all good.
On The Wings of Miracles,