I’m a passionate person. It’s something I can’t turn off and it’s only ever added to my life.
I have however, been told that I’m “too much” by a few people in my life. Never enough, however, for it to be feedback that I take seriously any more.
Once upon a time though, I did believe it because the mouths the words came from meant something to me and my internal compass was not yet set to making sure my life felt good mostly for me.
I dated someone who said I was “too much” and I remember it clearly. We sat on the bed as I read some of the writing from this blog, to which she said, “You write well, but has anyone ever told you that you’re a bit much?”
I asked what that meant and I got no real answer (and still haven’t). Generally speaking, what I learned in that short span of time in dating, is that if there’s no specific way that your behavior is affecting another negatively (sometimes you’ll get a reason, while other times you won’t), their advice is as useful as criticism. In fact, you could probably put the two on the same shelf.
Not everyone will know how to understand you.
Real talk: What they’re really saying is that they’re blaming you for the way their life feels when they’re around you, rather than taking ownership for it. There’s no real reason why another person can ever be “too much”, unless the person saying it somehow, somewhere doesn’t believe themselves to be enough. Instead of owning that and choosing radical honesty, you become the target. You’re far easier to blame.
I’m passionately connected to all of life and I get excited about the little things; I’m eager to help and want to see really amazing things put into this world. I respect boundaries and expect that people will communicate theirs to me. I write about real things because I’m not the type of woman who finds small talk or small topics of discussion amusing. Give me universal truths, spiritual discussion and know that I will fight passionately for something that’s important to me. I swear. A lot. I’m not afraid to ask people real questions and will always give people room to say no. Not everyone knows what to do with someone dedicated to living and probably find it annoying if they’ve given up on sipping life’s sweetness.
I’m not for the faint of heart and it took me a while to understand that it’s okay if I’m not for everyone, because that’s the entire point of this life. If I were for everyone, what would I actually be, other than crappy bread?
When someone tells you you’re too much, it reinforces a cruel power dynamic that places your worth in their hands. It’s a twisted kind of authority wherein you’ll constantly be proving yourself and twisting yourself into a shape for their approval.
Life becomes an exercise in consistent behavior modification and in time you truly forget what it means to love yourself and do you.
You forget what it means to be free in your own skin and sure enough, you’ll find that a lot of people are “too much” for you.
Because the light that burns bright, hurts the eyes of those used to darkness and though they may have forgotten how to see, they’ve certainly remembered how to use their voice.
Remember that you’re a sunrise and sunset rolled into one and you light the entire sky.
You’re not here to be someone’s cup of tea.
Your life is much bigger than that.
Don’t let small minds reduce your experience of a big life.
The next time someone says you’re too much, take it in stride and know that your light is burning mighty bright for them to have anything to say about it at all.
On The Wings of Miracles,